Greg Barris DOTCOM

The Onion (America's Finest News Source) has been attacked by German terrorists from the infamous Baader-Meinhof Gang. The Kidnaped beloved Onion Radio news Anchor Doyle Redland and have sent a list of demands, here is their correspondence:

his is a message from The Baader-Meinhof Gang. We have phone and
head of beloved Doyle Redland. If want back in piece must meet list
demands:

demand one
-The Onion is to change name to The Baader-Meinhof Gang-ion
-You will no longer have silly makemup news
-Sergi would like a red bicycle for his sister

if demand is not meeted by 5pm beloved Doyle Redland head will be lost forever.

signed
The Baader-Meinhof Gang




our hearts go out to the Redland Family in these Darkest of times.